telling myself she doesn't mean it...

so i don't get hurt.

the girl calls to tell me she misses me.
she wants to lick my face like butter (ok who licks butter? not counting seriously stoned people and those obscenely overweight)

she misses kissing me she says. she misses sucking on my tongue.
now it starts to get to me.

she misses me licking her ........
*gulp* stop. you're making me blush

i couldn't get the shit eating grin off my face for a while after.
but i don't want to be manipulated.

and i know she has the power to hurt me. she has already.

"How will I know if she really loves me?
I say a prayer with every heartbeat.
I fall in love whenever we meet."

God i'm such a loser.

perhaps the reason i don't believe her is because i know it won't last. she will always be a straight girl. and i'm just her lesbian experience. a story she can tell her adolescent kids one day.

but i just can't help it. it's like smoking when you know it'll kill you. but you'll wait till the cancer comes after you. i know it'll end but i'll just indulge until the day it does and my heart breaks.