Make up your mind!

I've found direction. I really hope I don't get lost again. Maybe the goals weren't clear before, or not well-defined. Or perhaps they hadn't been further divided into smaller more managable goals. Either way, here I am again, knowing where I want to go and trying to get there.

It's not a coincidence that the drunken emails tapered off around the same time things started to get out of control. After that, people that were interested either weren't really interested or weren't my type, had I been less...crazy. At the start of the hedonistic rampage, I was having my cake and eating it too. Then came the slippery slope. I used to go around saying "sobriety is overrated". Hah. Is that was substance abusers say to shed responsibility and guilt? Or is it rooted in a fear of the real world? Just like some people believe in heaven and god because they Have to tell themselves that there's a higher power out there. That there's a reason for everything. Is it because they're too afraid to deal? Too weak and powerless?

I didn't want to admit this for the longest time but maybe it is time to grow up. I finally realized how much there was at stake. Even before I graduated there was a lot on the line. There always was. My fuckin life man. But it's not too late. It's never too late.