Insanity...

is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result each time.

I had one crazy weekend. Well, it was more like one stupid weekend. It only brought harsh consequences. The only good thing about it would have been meeting A and spending the night and morning with her. Too bad I don't remember any of the good parts.

I've never regretted getting trashed as much as I do now. I'm a bad girl though. I thought A was hot right of the bat so she really didn't have to try to hard to convince me that she wasn't with her date. If so many people tell me that she was with someone, she probably was and I'm sure deep down I was aware of that.

It's sad that I lost a really good friend because of the excessive drinking as well. It was so cliche, like a movie. The end of our friendship. Rain pouing down. Her walking down the street and me walking up the street and running into each other. Both of us with an umbrella in one hand and a cell phone in the other. S really cared about me. She really did. I don't think I realized it until that moment. It's always like that. Not knowing how special something is until it's gone.

Why didn't I kiss A that morning when she asked if she could have a goodbye kiss? If I had only remembered that I'd already done stuff with her, I know I would have. I'm sure she knew I was interested. I didn't think she liked me, even though she said she did. I guess maybe I thought she only liked me for that day? V thinks that I won't be able to have a relationship as long as I'm still living at home. Maybe I shouldn't have moved back.

I'm motivated by the fear that she doesn't like me. Why wouldn't she like me? Because I don't think I'm good enough for her. She asked for it, which obviously means she wants it. I guess I was also scared that I'd get attached like I did with T.

But if she liked me, then why didn't she just kiss me instead of asking me to do it?