Not Knowing What You Want

There are repercussions to not knowing what you want. I think these ramifications manifest themselves when other people are involved. Sure, being 'lost' can waste a lot of my own personal time. In the end, however, it was my own choice and I've learned something from my experience. On the other hand, other people don't choose to be wrapped up in my drama out of their own volition. They don't know I'm an indecisive, wishy-washy, unstable person.

An example would be my recent decision to have a my first female make-out buddy. Friends with benefits, whatever. I really enjoy making out with girls. I looove it! So I figured, why not? I'll get my fix of kissing girls and it'll put a smile on my face (and big blotchy hickeys on my neck).

It was fantabulous the first time. Great! I initiated it the second time it happened and I found myself not being completely engaged. It turns out my friend sensed it as well, and was hurt that I didn't come right out and say so right there. The thing is, I'm so ... ambivalent. Yeah, ambivalent. I want it but I don't. You know?